Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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