home. puking in laundry basket.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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