Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How does one acquire holy water?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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