I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
