I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You should frame my arrest warrant.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
