everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
