but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
