I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
