Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
