her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
