I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
