Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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