Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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