If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
