We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
