in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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