some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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