It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
