Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
More tranny stories later!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
