I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
