i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize