oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you had me at cake vodka
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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