The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
