She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Randomize
