Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
