I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
