i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
