Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
