I'm going to jail i love you
wrigley field is MILF paradise
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
