I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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