Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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