If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
