I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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