i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
