Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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