I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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