I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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