Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
