I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
