You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
