i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
