my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no, he came in my armpit
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
