I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
