Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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