Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
zippers are such a cool invention
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
