I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
