I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
