i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
