That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
