Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
