how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
