I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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