i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
