those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
