fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
