So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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