need another drink. this is the easiest way
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
