...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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