to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
