I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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