how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
