I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
