I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize