Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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