I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
