Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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