Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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