she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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