The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
