Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you will always have a special place in my vag
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
