I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
