Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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