Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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