The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
