I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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