week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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