Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
