This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
